Friday, April 16, 2021 – 16:30 | Last Updated: 16 04 2021 – 16:30
While the balance sheet of the coronavirus is getting worse every day in the world, humanity is also giving a psychological test. Families all over the world are giving a great test of endurance due to the deterioration in the balance of work and private life, the increase in economic pressure, the closure of schools and the unbalanced distribution of housework. Due to the postponement of the process in marriages and divorces due to the pandemic effect, the statistics were decreased. In 2020, 135 thousand in Turkey 22 couples divorce and custody was given to the 124 thousand 742 children. According to research, children of families who continue to live together even though they have ceased to be spouses experience a feeling of mentally constrained. So, is it okay for children to postpone divorce? Expert Clinical Psychologist Ceren Kurtay Doğan told.
Depending on the effects of the pandemic with the postponement of the process in which a decrease in marriage and divorce statistics in 2020, the couple divorced 22 135 thousand and 124 thousand 742 were found to be given to child custody in Turkey. Families around the world have given a great test of endurance due to the deterioration in the balance of work and private life, increased economic pressure, closed schools and the uneven distribution of housework. It is among the predictions of experts that the reduction of quarantine measures in 2021 and beyond will cause a global increase in the number of divorces.
THE DECISION OF DIVORCE AND NOT TO DIVORCE SHOULD NOT BE RELATED TO THE CHILD
When spouses are convinced that they cannot get along, they may decide to part ways when they decide that staying together is difficult and harsh. The existence of joint children in the family can significantly affect the divorce decision and the divorce process of the couples. The best thing that can be done for children is to sincerely make every effort to revive the respect and love of the spouses in marriage and to accept support if necessary. Every marriage deserves a chance. However, if it still does not work, it is necessary to stop and think. Most parents are spiritually stuck in marriages for their children, even though they want to stop being spouses. However, leaving a self-depleted marriage is most necessary for the well-being of children. No matter what their age, children are constantly injured in bad marriages that continue. Whether families make them feel or not, children do; sometimes the bad energy of lovelessness and marital confinement permeates the walls of the house. Staying in such a marriage is not staying for children, but staying in the marriage despite the wounds the children have received in the process.
THE CONCERNS OF CHILDREN ARE NOT DIVORCE, NOT DIVORCE FROM PARENT AND MOTHER
Of course, children do not want their parents to divorce. However, what they really don’t want is to be separated from their parents. They are afraid of the option of divorce because of concerns such as not seeing them again and missing them a lot. If the communication of children with their parents after the divorce is regulated in a healthy way, if their duties and responsibilities of being parents are not interrupted, the children will adapt to this new situation in a very short time. Children do not want their parents to be unhappy, anxious or weak. For this reason, people should prioritize their own happiness in order to manage the process well.
CORRECTLY SETTING THE LIMITS IMPORTANT
In the process of getting used to the separation, some couples can make plans to get together with the children, again by giving the children a reason. Sometimes parents who think that a smooth transition can be good for children cannot be determined to draw and protect the boundaries. Even if it is a well-intentioned thought, this situation can prolong the adaptation process and cause compelling consequences for children. Sometimes even though he is divorced, “We all eat together once a week. We come across couples who say “We want children not to be negatively affected by the situation”; this may actually be related to making children an excuse for their own adaptation process. What is healthy for children is to draw the boundaries of divorce in a healthy way. Divorce is also a limit and must be lived with some rules within itself. The situation can be quite confusing for children who witness their parents coming together at regular intervals. This situation may cause their parents to believe that they can reunite and remarry.
Seeing children for just a few days a week after a divorce or having a new relationship may seem like a feeling of guilt towards children. But what really happens is that parents are triggering some situations about their childhood or personal concerns such as “They will love me less”, “They will forget me”. Divorced parents may have difficulties in applying and maintaining existing rules due to their conscience discomfort stemming from personal concerns. Stretching borders can cause permanent border violations. Stretching the boundaries is not the right way to show love. It can lead to situations that can easily be abused. Being cautious about such situations is protective behavior for children.